Jigoku
by A-Chan
Summary: Jigoku means hell in Japanese. When Draco Malfoy takes the time to remember painful memories around Christmastime, the scar Voldemort left him brings his life into much meaning. While searching high and low, he finds the truth behind it, and a love true.
1. Chapter One: White Strawberries // Shiro...

Disclaimer: Off again with the rights…as always. Why bother reading this(and if anybody EXCEPT the lawyers and such) when it just says JKR owns Harry Potter and associated items? Ah screw it! *burns the rights in joking laughter*

Author's Notes: Randomness…and reading a review off my fic "Wrong Place, Wrong Time"… So, anything that won't make sense, sorry! --;; The summary on FF.Net was altered so it would fit in the box…

Summary: The title means hell in translated Japanese. When Draco Malfoy takes the time to remember painful memories around Christmastime, the scar Voldemort left him brings his life into much meaning. While searching high and low, he finds the truth behind it, and a love that was unsuspected. And for him, Voldemort has once again taken his life into his hands. 

Jigoku

"Twas' the days I lived in regret, I lived them in flaming infamy. Forever."

-QFF**

* * * * * 

It is again, once Christmas time this year. The jolly tidings, the yuletide carols… Gifts, Santa Claus A.K.A Chris Cringle, or whatever he's also known as. Christmas holidays make me sick; repulsed **_horrendously_**, and at least the comforting fact that Pansy isn't hear is actually making me happy.

Christmas time is supposed to be the time of giving, the time of family, unity, and love… Along with the birth of Jesus Christ… I hate Christmas. And it is not because I am Atheist. 

Christmas is the time of Unity and Love, which is repulsing to know that those fools don't know what the hell is out there. They have their caring parents and family, friends and lovers… Or old acquaintances to meet, to greet, to have good times with…

It wasn't long ago that I used to have that. Used to have all the riches in the world, along with Love and Joy. But that dispersed into ash one day.

One day. 

Not a pretty sight; it was sort of haunting.

I can never rid of those eyes staring back at me. Hauntingly red eyes, with snake-like slits, the paleness of his skin glowing in the light…

Voldemort. 

I will never forget. 

He had found out about my father, letting me have Christmas, with Holiday cheer, along with my mother, and acting like a family.

I believe I was only six at the time. It wasn't a nice time then, because all the laughter, and the joy withered away when Voldemort whisked into the room. 

I was appointed heir to Voldemort. I cannot forget the sneering look of disgust at me, and my surroundings, when he smashed them everywhere. 

It was only Christmas time when my father loosened up. It was like the only one day he could forget his duties, responsibilities, and perhaps spend time with his family. And so, it became a Christmas tradition when I was born. I wasn't surprised at how my da-father acted. He was like any normal father when you got to know him better.

So, then, he turned on that stoned mask once again, a gleaming look of despairing heartthrob slinking back into the depths of his heart. He had just stood there, frozen; petrified. Not for himself, but for me. **_Me_**.

Voldemort had dared to look at my father's face, smirking in contentment, the solidity of my father's face was just as it always was. 

Voldemort then, he slapped me on the face, muttering obscenities in my face, throwing insults as gashes busted with blood spewed about. Very gory for a young child.

He also left me with a strawberry type scar, near the nape of my neck, now covered. He left the room, spitting onto the carpeted floor, now stained with blood. 

My father hid that room, and rebuilt another one just like it, except of the color changes. He placed charms onto the room so no one could find it.

And from that day on, my father knew. He knew he couldn't be that carefree man he could have been. That's why my mother loved him. Introverted, and yet to hold the Malfoy name, he had to act that way. But only my mother could open him up, with a slight gesture. She had to act haughty, so to convince Voldemort that my father was not loosening up.

And since then, my Christmas hadn't been the same ever since.

* * * * *

I placed a hand to my scar, now faded, unconsciously. It had been a long time. Horrible memories to make a joyful holiday gruesome.

They didn't have to experience Voldemort touching them, in physical contact. They didn't have to face the haunting eyes, and being claimed with a scar.

All except Harry Potter.

Harry Potter.

That name simply seems to disgust me. I thought, maybe, if I could just be a friend with him, this pain I feel about my scar would fade. But, me being a Malfoy, I have to uphold the Malfoy name. I had to do the very same thing my father did. Until Voldemort dies… Until that freak dies.

But Potter cast me off aside, knowing something was wrong with me. Probably my fake arrogance. Now, he's best friend with Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger.

Ugh.

Ok, yes, I get jealous when they do think wrong, or stumble around in the right places at the wrong time, meaning it actually _is_ the right time. They live with pain, but they brace it with Unity.

Potter is a lot like me. Very much. It would be nice to be friends with him, but I know some people, if they found out, would take this the wrong way. Like they think I might want an affair with Potter. Sure, Potter would make a nice best friend, but being lovers… It's like being in love with a carbon copy of yourself. Except different looking, and a near painful background as mine.

And even if I _did_ want him _that_ way, he would complete my life. I want someone to _add _to my life, so I don't end up crushing two souls at once. And besides, Potter seems a bit busy in his thoughts as it is.

Hermione Granger. Sometimes it feels right to loathe her of her muggle-born heritage. But in reality, it is wholly different. In fact, it seemed deep down, I envied her with a revenge to bring out. And it just fits the bill right when I tease her in front of the whole school. And the bunch of Gryffindorks** in her year take it seriously too, excluding Potter and Weasley. 

If they were just a bit smarter like Granger, they probably noticed a bit of psychology in the midst of this pit. But, they are dense, so I can't help them there. My teasing to her is only for the purposes of holding that tarnishing name of Malfoy, and so that Voldemort does not do that event again. It affects Potter and Weasley well, so I keep on doing it from time to time. Just one of the very things to satisfy Voldemort.

Once you look him in the face, or in his eyes, you feel like he's watching everywhere. Sure, with some Muggle Psychology courses, it's all in the mind. But with that…creature, it is different. It's like his presence puts a charm in your brain; a spell that will haunt you until he dies. That's the way he prefers. Slow, maniacal torturing pain. Viperous. 

It is no wonder that he is Salazar's heir. Alluring charm, handsome looks, when he was still Tom Riddle, and intellect that might as well dry your brains out. 

At least Weasley has this "protection" family thing going on or something. He has these, I don't know, seven siblings. I know only four live with him. His family made be as well poverty-burdened, but they manage with some kind of luck. 

His twin brothers, the "Weasley Twins", "Gred and Forge", and the founders of the newly starting joke-shop business, the "Weasley Wizard Wheezes". Such catastrophe from those boys. Total Chaos. I wonder how Mrs. Weasley manages to find peace throughout all of this.

Of course, Ronald has his little sister, Ginny, to protect. There's like this brotherly bond that holds them worthwhile. I think he's one of her favorite brothers, along with Percy.

Percy Weasley was Head Boy during our school, and had a huge amount of O.W.Ls. Very much like a male Granger. He was notorious to being faithfully loyal about rules, and had spent an amount of time in the library. He, now part of the ministry, was Crouch's personal assistant. I wonder what he did to get that job. He is still the personal assistant, but I cannot remember who got into that spot. I don't keep tab on the Ministry, unless my father tells me too.

I wonder if Weasley is shunned through all that excitement. He's the second to the last child, a boy, he doesn't do anything great except being Potter's best friend, and a heck of a bloody chess player. He's not even close enough to be a plain, ordinary child. Plainly pessimistic, and downright sarcastic, but very loyal. 

Perhaps even loyal enough to be killed for his friends to live. A person destined to die. How tragic.

He'd probably make better friends than Granger and I, and much better company than Potter. Ok, they are both the same, in a sense. But he, is a dweller of the shadows. He lives in so the demons suck on him. Potter is a being of the light, willing to give those in the shadows a chance, if it is not too late.

I lurk as a wanderer in the middle of both worlds, taking in the part of the demons' gleam, and heroic in the sense of the light. I am a man destined to do what is set out for me, but I will ponder about what I am really am about. Who I really am. 

Tsk, tsk. Looks like I've gone way into depth of my thoughts. Lunch is about to be over in five minutes. I left my table, and whirred away to the Owlery, in case of any mail.

When I got there, my Owl, Kansai, had a piece of parchment in her talons. I had a flair for Japanese history and origin. I'm not afraid to admit it. American history fascinates me as well. 

The parchment looked a bit yellowed at the edges, as though someone wanted to send this to the Owlery to me, but was afraid or never got the chance. 

I opened up the parchment slowly, revealing its contents. The dark blue ink was alluring, as it droned to a dark slate-blue. It was crisply written neatly, and the letter was still intact.

                                                                                                                                                                          _Wednesday_, _December 21, 19-- _

_To Draco Malfoy:_

_The day you receive this is the day I find the reason I was placed upon this earth. I have not yet been captivated or smitten with you, but I have this irking feeling whatever has to do with me, has to do with you. _

_I want you to meet me at the Astronomy Tower on the Twenty-Fourth, Sunday, at Midnight._

_Please do not try to arouse suspicion on your way here, or mention this to anyone._

_-Anonymous_

It was rather perturbing. I rolled up the parchment, and let Kansai nip at my fingers in delight. I left the room, and into my dorm, muttering the password to the portrait.

The Twenty-Fourth. Christmas Eve. Joy. I was excited, for the first time in years. Who ever this person was, I was going to find out.

* * * * *

End of the First Chapter

12/20/01-10:26 PM CST

A.N.'s: 

1)**QFF is an acronym for Quote for fic(s). It had started when I was doing a Rupert Grint layout for some future sites, which I hope to put up for your viewing enjoyment, and this line came into my head. I integrated the quote into my layout, and used it for a fic, that might get on FF.Net later. I had put "Quote for fic" at the end. So, when I was writing a fic last night, I put QFF at the end. 

I hope to put a site out for QFF so people who have random lines popping in their head, and want to use it in a fic, but don't know how can send it to me, your name claiming the quote, and other people can use it as long as you credit it. If it turns successful in the future, it might be a clique/webring. Who knows!

2)**Gryffindorks part of the fic came from a fic written from one of Dana-chan's fics, which I cannot seem to find right now…--;; Well, you can find the fic on http://www.aogiri.net/aya/, or the Looking Glass Factor. It has the term in one of the fics. But if I'm mistaken about Dana-chan using the term… Well, just tell me!

Now, to the actually A.N.'s. This fic was spontaneous, so if I'm going a bit fast for you, I'm sorry. --;; If it was too short, I'm sorry too. If anyone would like to beta read this fic, drop me a line at kris_yuy@yahoo.com. It seems that the Christmas holidays coming near, I have a bit more time, if you want me to continue this fic.

Lately, I wanted to write a fic on Ron, but he didn't seem to work with me. So this fic spawned a Draco on me instead! The song Butterfly, third mix of Dance Dance Revolution was playing in the background, my mom was telling me to go to sleep or take a shower, and now Golden Girls on Lifetime is playing!

And I WANT to know if Draco seems out of character to you. If he is… Just tell me. The encouragement for this fic is highly appreciated!

~A-Chan Yuy~

12/20/01-Thursday

10:47 PM CST     


	2. Chapter Two: The Destined Apocalypse Par...

Disclaimer: *singing to Jingle Bells* JRK, JKR, We love her very well! We wish you joy in Harry and a Happy New year! *people stare* Uh… Sessha-dono doesn't own anything de gozaru… (Horrible Rurouni Kenshin plug-thingy.)

Author's Notes: I just hope this doesn't bore you, is too fast, too short, or repulses you in the end… *shudders* Enjoy!

Days passed on end. The days were strolling faster in his life. And it was just the beginning…

Jigoku

Chapter II: 

"'…When in doubt, go to the library.'"

-Ron Weasley in the Goblet of Fire

* * * * *

It was now the twenty-second now. Only two more days till Christmas Eve. What a shame… 

I pulled off the covers, and dressed myself out. I wasn't even bothering for a shower today. Maybe later.

Stepping into the Common Room, I started to shiver, slightly. It seems like the usual coldness of the stark room was become colder. I walked out of the common room, watching the portrait swinging idly. I placed a hand on my head.

It was oddly warm. Warmer under my fingertips. I felt blood flushing into my face, heat rising higher. I knew I probably looked red, but I didn't care. It wasn't as if I was dizzy.

I kept walking down the halls, hearing the swishing of my robes, and the pattering of my footsteps. The darkness seemed brighter, and the light dimmer. 

I can feel my hand sweating a bit. I had a rough night. I couldn't get to sleep until two hours later, and I kept waking up every twenty minutes or so. 

I felt the sound of my stomach growling for the first time, and I scowled lightly. Today isn't going to be a good day.  

Before I knew it, I was already in the Great Hall. But the shapes started dancing, and becoming blurrier, and everything was strangely odd. I kept walking, a hand to my head. It's just a migraine. Just all these lights…they melt me. Ugh… It hurts badly.

Before I knew it, I was stumbling over, and I heard few voices, and worriment over me. Then everything faded black.

* * * * *

I woke up to the bland gray of the infirmary ceiling. Why did it have to be gray? It detests my feelings. Then a throb of white pain shot up near my nape, and unconsciously, I touched it. 

Voldemort.

Something was wrong. Oddly wrong. I couldn't tell if it was for the pain in my scar plus the odd letter from before, or was it the pale moonlight shining on me. I guess it's both.

  
Voldemort. I shuddered. The name gives chills of anguish and vengeance, and makes my blood cold at the same time. A living corpse.

If I was going to meet that person in two days, I was supposed to get well soon. I tried getting up, but the pain of sleeping on one side held me back. My muscles were aching sore, and even twisting my neck was enough to rouse a sleeping ember of pain.

Wincing, while Madam Pomfrey was checking on her patients, she saw me awake. Suddenly, she came to me, and started asking questions and told me I was alright.

And do you know what I did? I just stared at her like she was my mother or something fretting over me for nothing. In other words, I raised an eyebrow at her.

She surprised me. She just smiled and told me to stay still while she got something.

Odd lady.

"Just like Draco alright, Albus. I mean, of course I may be acting rationally, but what does he have to do with this?" 

I heard her hushed voice, and Dumbledore's along with it. 

"There are many things I do not know Poppy. But with recent rousing of Voldemort near our area, I'm afraid Draco may be involved. In the meantime, I want him treated. We don't want another student taken away from us, do we Poppy? Have a good night." 

She bid him well, and she came back with a sleeping draught, and a pain-killing potion. She poured a considerable amount of both into a goblet, and she handed it to me.

"Drink up," offering me a goblet of the combined mixture. 

I did as I was told. 

The concoction was rather tangy; sweet and sour. It melted into my insides through, like a cherry soda, or something. 

My head started clearing up, but my eyelids were drooping. I fell back into the covers, and heard the goblet clang to the floor before hearing a voice.

"Come to me…"

* * * * *

It wasn't of what I imagined. I was back into the old room; that accursed room. It was like it used to be before, before Voldemort messed it up. 

_The deep shade of ultramarine was calming, with the off-white walls, and the deep oak furniture. The damages were of endless repair, probably earning us a debt problem if we didn't do the other way._

_Then, in front of my eyes, the room changed, into the messed up area it was. It was darker than anything in my life, and the air was choking with dust as it filled my lungs and irritated my ears. _

_I could feel the cold nip at me, and the hairs on my arms in goose bumps.  _

_There was only a sliver of reality separating us. _

_A blast of pain stung my scar, as I felt a frozen, elongated finger on it. My eyes widened. My heart skipped beats, and it pounded profusely. _

_Voldemort._

_And I met those eyes of his, the gaze bolting me down._

_And I knew I'd be stuck again._

_When he slunk closer to me, and whispered sweet nothings in my ear, I felt my heart give a shrill scream. And coming closer, trying to claim me, and captivate me with those lips; cold lips of his…_

_I screamed._

* * * * * 

End of Chapter 2

12/23/01-3:08 PM CST

AN's: I tried really hard to finish this on Friday, but I was stranded at the mall most of the day. I tried finishing YESTERDAY, but we had family to go to. And I was in the middle of reading fics, and trying how to write this chapter. I got ten bucks for singing! My cousins, my sister, and I were having a blast with Dance Dance Revolution so, one of the many reasons to be delayed.

I hope I got the quote correct. If it isn't, tell me~! I'd appreciate to know what you think! I should get a review from my cousin soon so…

Have a Merry Christmas!

(If you'd like to beta-ed this fic, email me at kris_yuy@yahoo.com!)

This was off the bat. I think this was short, but I hope you like it! I'll progress soon!

~A-Chan Yuy~

12/23/01-3:12 PM CST


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